Smokey the Bear

My poor Dad is completely embarrassed about his accident this weekend and is having to endure more than a couple of funny remarks. My brother is calling him Smokey the Bear. I find no humor in the situation and am very thankful to God that he is alive. For those of you who have not heard he tried to set some brush on fire. He poured some gasoline on it and let just say there was an explosion. He now has second degree burns all over his face and all the way up one arm. I shudder to think what would have happened had he not had on his glasses. Needless to say he is in pain and has some pretty nasty looking blisters that are oozing grossly over his bandages. I wanted to cry when I saw him. Can just say that I would mind a few weeks of a really boring life.

The Best of Times and The Worst of Times

Friday. Friday Friday Friday. Normally a day I love. This last Friday....not so much. I started out my day by locking my keys in my car once I got to school. Can I just say that given the emotional state I was already in about the funeral I wanted to have a complete meltdown right there at my car. Thankfully I have Jesus. I went into the principals office and he got a locksmith to come out...... no meltdown and 25.00 later I had my keys. I just had to laugh at the humor of my life. Things like that are always happening to me. When I am at my worst most emotional point some unlucky thing happens. I really am unlucky. But you know the more I think about it I am very lucky in my unluckiness. Ha Ha. (Patti that was for you.) Let me explain. God always meets me in those moments. He gives me this ability to laugh it off, which I find to be an unusual reaction, because I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I don't get mad or angry, I just laugh and shrug it off. I just trust that God is going to take care of it. Any way all that to say the rest of my school day went by pretty uneventfully. I went to the funeral. I grabbed hold of all the Jesus on the inside of me and sat behind my students to support them the best way I could. The funeral was packed. The slide show made me want to ball my eyes out. Afterward we went thru the line to pay our respects to the family. I had no idea what I was going to say, never having met his family. When I saw his mother she grabbed hold of my hand, smiled so big and said,"Miss P", well needless to say my eyes welled up at this point I said something about having a heart for him and how sorry I was. I have never met this woman before. Then I realised that she must have remembered me from my speech at his eighth grade graduation. You see his class was the first eighth grade class I had. God really gave me a heart for that class. They asked me to speak for them at graduation. I really put my heart into that speech. My love for those kids must have been evident because she remembered me. That gives me amazing hope that I am having an impact on these kids. Then I got the amazing privilege to have Revolution Church Prayer in my home. It was an amazing night. The young laddies from the youth group joined us and we had an amazing time together in the presence of God. Then we got to end the day by serving and going to clean the Church. Can I just say that God is good, and even in the moments that should be the worst God gives us amazing Joy.

Pa

My grandpa was the best man I have ever known. Pa, such a small name for a man who was larger than life. Have you ever had a person in your life that you know had a great deal to do with you being who you are? Pa was that person in my childhood. I thought he was capable of anything. He never met a stranger and was kinder than I thought possible. He taught me to be a servant before I ever knew what that meant. He was always doing small kindnesses for people. You know like, fixing things, organizing things and taking your car and filling it up with gas. When I was hurt I would run to him, cause nothing could hurt you when you were in those big strong arms. He lavished me with a gift more precious to me than gold, his time. He was never too busy for me. Never short with me, even though I am sure my brother and I pestered him at times. After we moved from Detroit to Memphis he would send me letters. He would start off by saying,"I am sitting here in the car waiting for Ma to finish grocery shopping(Pa drove Ma everywhere and almost always sat in the car) I was doing a crossword puzzle, which he loved, and I thought I would write you this note." He would go on and tell me all the little details about his life, you know the everyday little things. I never knew then how much I would cherish those letters now. He would speak of how much he missed us and how important family was and how many deer he had seen at the cottage. He was a very wise man.

I have been thinking about him a lot over the past couple of months. I see glimpses of him in me at times and it makes me smile. He loved to listen to Dean Martin. Every time I hear one of those songs I can see my grandpa at his cottage on the lake sitting at the picnic table. He has on a jacket, long pants and a fisherman's hat even though its hot but there is a bit of a breeze.The sun is going down. He is listening to Dean Martin on his small radio. It brings joy to my heart to think of him that way. Anytime I get a chance to visit the cottage a flood of memories of him washes over me.

He has been gone for a long time now, he died when I was in high school, about 19 years. I love and cherish him and hope that everyone has a Pa in their life.

I NEED JESUS

I know I have not written in awhile. Can I say I just didn't feel like it with everything that has gone on I was too sad. If I can be really honest right now, today I feel like a failure as a teacher. Today I look at these kids and think I have not made a bit of difference. Nothing went right today at school. I could not get my middle school boys under control. I am angry. Angry because I failed as a teacher to get them under control, and because I know they are better kids than this. They need Jesus. And today was one of those days where I just looked at them and thought I am not making one bit of difference. I know we don't live by our emotions but can I say that today was rough. And to add fuel to the fire, they found my students body. They are going to have the funeral on Friday. Part of me is so relieved for his his family and the students to be able to have closure. The emotional part of me says that I don't think I can handle it and that I have nothing to offer these kids. Then the Jesus in me rises up to remind me that I do, it's been an ongoing battle today.

Heartbroken

The reason I love being a teacher is because God has given me such a heart for the kids at my school. As I sit here with tears streaming down my face I have to say it is also what makes days like today seem almost unbearable. I lost one today. And my heart is breaking in a way that I didn't even know was possible. This young man, now a sophomore, was one of the eighth grade boys from my first year of teaching. God really gave those boys a special place in my heart and I know that I will carry each of them with me all of my life. That's what makes this truly devastating to me. In eighth grade he was a wonderful student and just a great kid all around. He got to high school and really made some bad choices. I found out today that he and two other boys tried to go canoeing down a flooded river after school yesterday. The two boys made it to shore but he did not. They still have not found his body. What has even more of an affect on me is hearing the kids at school say things like,"well at least he was a Christian." This breaks my heart in a whole new way. Because he was not living like he was. He was in complete rebellion. And what makes me want to scream is that these kids don't have any idea what being a child of God really means. And I know that I have to walk back into that classroom tomorrow and I don't know what to say to these kids. I want desperately to be able to comfort them and show them who God really is. Days like this one remind me how desperate these times really are and that we have to embrace every opportunity God gives us to speak to someone. Please pray for his family and for the students at my school. This is going to be a rough time for them. My prayer is that God will use this situation for His good and maybe out of this some of his family and friends will see God.